リレーションシップのきせつ
まちのはる
ポストのなかに
はなてがみ
うちのなつ
おかえりなさい
イイデスネ
へやのあき
クモリのハート
ワカリマス
ヒトノフヨ
アイマセンカラ
サムイデス
I'll apologize first to anyone reading this for writing about the topic of relationships; but, due to a combination of writers block and it being rather late, this is what I have come up with, at least for the moment.
I have written a poem based on a hybrid mix of haiku/senryu form in each of the four stanzas, depicting a relationship from its happy beginnings to its not-so-happy ending. The first katakana word used -- ポスト -- carries no meaning other than its literal one. In the following stanzas, the disintegration of the relationship is symbolized by a similar deterioration of the language of the poem into katakana. This shift in language is gradual but progressive, and katakana takes over the lines of the poem one by one until the last stanza is written entirely in katakana. The poem itself is based on a seasonal cycle, using one season each to designate the stages of the relationship (from spring to winter), while the spaces of action become increasingly personal/contained, similarly reflecting these same four stages.
This poem turned out to be much more depressing than I had originally intended, but I will aim to fix that problem in the editing process.
I'll apologize first to anyone reading this for writing about the topic of relationships; but, due to a combination of writers block and it being rather late, this is what I have come up with, at least for the moment.
I have written a poem based on a hybrid mix of haiku/senryu form in each of the four stanzas, depicting a relationship from its happy beginnings to its not-so-happy ending. The first katakana word used -- ポスト -- carries no meaning other than its literal one. In the following stanzas, the disintegration of the relationship is symbolized by a similar deterioration of the language of the poem into katakana. This shift in language is gradual but progressive, and katakana takes over the lines of the poem one by one until the last stanza is written entirely in katakana. The poem itself is based on a seasonal cycle, using one season each to designate the stages of the relationship (from spring to winter), while the spaces of action become increasingly personal/contained, similarly reflecting these same four stages.
This poem turned out to be much more depressing than I had originally intended, but I will aim to fix that problem in the editing process.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way that you uses more and more katakana each time. It was a really interesting idea!
ReplyDeleteI read your work before I finished mine, I like the idea of four stanzas each representing a season. In winter the relationship did end but winter also says that spring is not far away!
ReplyDeletebtw, is it just me or katakana is much harder to read than hiragana...?
I like how the change from hiragana to katakana also conveys the changes in the relationship, very creative!
ReplyDeleteThe imagery is very beautiful, I can just imagine spring finally arriving in town, summer in the house, winter in the room...the progression from the largeness of the town to the smallness of the room. Even though you use simple language such as "understood," "cold," and "heart," the meaning is deep and there are a multitude of interpretations. The progression of the Katakana is also a very creative idea. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing work Allison, can really tell this was done someone studying literature =) It's touching and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is really impressive. I like the continuity that runs through the stanzas. You manage to create something really meaningful even with such a limited vocabulary-- I am quite impressed. And the katakana builds up the appropriate moods, especially in winter. I notice that, as the seasons move, the focus tightens from 町（まち）all the way to 人（ひと）. You are very definitely a literature person. :-)
ReplyDeleteOne small thing, wouldn't "winter" be フユ, not フヨ？
So deep....so beautiful.....
ReplyDeleteVery interesting! I like the way you related the four haiku. I think it would be also interesting if you can use some kind of word related to each season (like you did with spring. 'hana' reminds us of spring) instead of using the season's name directly.
ReplyDelete